i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize