fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"