I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness