I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson