Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.