Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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