I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
