it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
