Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
