Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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