Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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