just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
