you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
