Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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