$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
