you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.