I'm going to jail i love you
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.