it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit