Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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