Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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