Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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