I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
