i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
