Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
