Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
