haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.