Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom