We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing