Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend