I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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