READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
