miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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