is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
