i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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