don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
