yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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