Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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