My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
