Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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