The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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