in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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