Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
