I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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