I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize