just survived the first fart of the relationship.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
