Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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