It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
from now on my penis is your penis
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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