College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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