Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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