Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize