tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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