The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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