She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.