Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.