Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
zippers are such a cool invention
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?