a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.