I'm gonna have a badass scar
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.