Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes