The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on