Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry