I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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