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I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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