found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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