So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
