Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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